Whatever Matt Feels Like Posting

I've neglected to mention this in here until now, but one of the things I've been told about my anxiety is that I will feel better if I got more sleep at night and got on a regular sleep schedule. Unfortunately, I've been unable to get onto one no matter how much I try.

And even if I did, how is that supposed to work if the only dreams I have anymore are dreams that people hate me for how I feel about masks, social distancing, pandemic shaming, and wanting things to be back to normal eventually? O_O

Those are, without a doubt, THE most terrifying dreams I could POSSIBLY have. I still have PTSD over EACH AND EVERY time someone has been mad or even irritated with me over how I feel about the pandemic and restrictions. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is scarier to me than the thought of people hating me for that. (Please don't lecture me over how that should not be the scariest thing to me. That is not how you make it less scary for me - lecturing me about anything related to the pandemic makes it MORE scary to me.)

It's scary enough living in this reality, where I'm only 95% sure that by the time the pandemic is over I'll have unintentionally offended half of my friends (both online and IRL) to the point of them hating me forever. I don't want to have another dream like those ever again! I'm seriously considering never sleeping again until the pandemic is over. I may or may not follow through with that (after all I'm a bit drowsy right now and may very well go to bed soon), but I figured I should give you a better idea of how UTTERLY TERRIFYING the idea of being hated over the pandemic is for me. (EDIT: Well, I did end up going to bed after all. At 5 AM, but still. I don't remember what my dreams were, but they must have been better than the ones from the previous night. But, again, the fact reminds that I am so terrified of being hated for anything related to the pandemic that I was briefly considering staying awake forever to avoid having dreams where that happened.)

For more on why this is the case, here's a couple of earlier entries where I found out that there's a term for the type of anxiety I have (rejection sensitive dysphoria):

LJ links:
https://matt1993.livejournal.com/388933.html
https://matt1993.livejournal.com/389343.html
DW links:
https://matt1993.dreamwidth.org/383823.html
https://matt1993.dreamwidth.org/384094.html

I turned 23 about 23 minutes ago (as of my writing this sentence)! Yay!! :D

I'm not going to get to open most of my presents until the party two days from now, though. So I don't have much to say yet.

I will, however, make a Museum of Accomplishments post now! It'll be nice to not be 14 days behind on it and 379 days behind on it at the same time. :)


← Age 21-22 Age 24 →

At age 23:

( At age 23, people did stuff. )

Happy birthday!

Last week, as part of an assignment in Speech class, I rewatched The Mummy and watched The Ring for the first time.

Turns out that my prediction here was actually wrong - The Ring is, in fact, a lot scarier than the parody of it on Annoying Orange.


But you know what's even more terrifying than both combined?

A horror movie I watched yesterday called Worse than the Forbidden Comment Threads.

Have any of you heard of it? It's the sequel to that one movie about the guy who reads a cursed flame war that makes him start seeing nightmarish visions of his friends misinterpreting everything he's ever said and hating him for it, and seemingly, the only way for him to get rid of the visions is to make a list of everything he's said and done that might be misinterpreted and post that to his LiveJournal in friends-only entries.

I found both that one and the sequel REALLY disturbing... It's almost impossible to remember that either of them is just a movie. Maybe it's just because the main character looks kind of like me. Actually, come to think of it, he looks almost exactly like me... and he even has a lot of interests in common with me: same celebrity crush, same favorite video games...

Even the phrase "Forbidden Comment Threads" sounds familiar for some reason... Didn't I hear it somewhere before about three years ago? I remember thinking up a phrase kind of like it that had something to do with a--


O___O

...

Uhhh...

Guys...

...

I...

I just remembered...

The first one in that series was no horror movie...

I... I think I remember... the Forbidden Comment Threads...

...actually happening...

...as part of my own life...

...

I don't think the sequel was just a movie either...

...

There really is...

...something that's probably worse than the Forbidden Comment Threads...

...and I read it yesterday...

...

...

Okay, now I'm way too scared to even care whether or not going from actual horror movies to a controversy that I pretended was a horror movie is too sudden of a topic jump...

*hides and curls into the fetal position in a clearly horrified manner*


(short version of this entry: What?! The Forbidden Comment Threads are evolving!)


Somehow summon enough courage
and/or foolishness to repost
this terrifying entry

Watch this video with the sound on:




Then watch that video again with the sound off, but with this playing at the same time with the sound on:





I can't even decide which music makes the first video funnier! :)

Repost this entry before the tennis ball gets you!!!

Meow vs. Arf
Cats or dogs-- which do you prefer, and why?

Answer View Answers

Cats! I was bitten by a dog when I was little, so I was afraid of them for quite some time after that, but now the only time I have a problem with dogs is if they like to jump on me unexpectedly (which is actually a problem I also have with cats, though they do it much less often).

Moof

Yesterday, the fire alarm at the hotel I'm staying at went off for no apparent reason. Not only that, but it took way too long for me to get out of the room and I didn't have the common sense to head for the stairs instead of the elevator. Had there really been a fire, I probably would've died even if the fire were all the way on the other side of the hotel (knowing me, I'd inevitably somehow end up there or accidentally do something that somehow makes it come to my side of the building). :(

Amazingly, the fire alarm managed to out-scary every single scary dream I've had, even the "somethinged to hell" one...

Stop, drop and repost

numbereleven
Dream reader
Do you have any recurring dreams? If so, what do you think it says about your personality? How about your unconscious hopes, fears, and desires?

Answer View Answers

I don't have any full recurring dreams, but there are three recurring themes that show up every now and then. I've previously mentioned two of them as the answer to a similar Writer's Block (and, oddly enough, don't remember having any more of those dreams since then).

The third is playing various Super Mario World levels that are either slightly different from in the actual game, or completely new. (For those who don't know, Super Mario World was one of the first video games [if not the first video game] I played, making it ironic how I didn't realize this was a recurring theme until just now.) In my latest dream like that (which was just last night, actually), I was playing some mix of Super Mario World and Jumping on Mushrooms (a neat backwards Mario game I found 10 months ago). I got to fly backwards but then created a paradox by falling too far. ;)

And no, I wouldn't know what any of these say about my personality or unconscious fears, hopes, or desires.

Follow your dreams - repost this entry!

antagonists
Raining cats or dogs?
Do you have a decided preference between cats and dogs? Which do you prefer, and why? Would you consider a roommate or partner who had a contrary pet proclivity?

Answer View Answers

I like cats more because most of them don't always demand attention. Although I'm not afraid of dogs, I am a little afraid of them jumping up on me unexpectedly, so I probably couldn't have a roommate or partner that has a dog.

Meow

For my 200th LJ entry (my profile will say 201, but that's because I haven't deleted the welcome entry that's automatically made for new users), I decided to do something completely pointless: take the first word from my first post, the second word from my second post, the third word from my third post, and so on, all the way up to this one. (If post #X has Y words, and Y is less than X, then the remainder of X ÷ Y is Z, and I use the Zth word instead, or the last if Z is zero.) And yes, this is a ripoff of 160 Seconds.

( So here goes )

( Context )

While doing this, I've noticed that I have quite a few posts that are exactly 48 words long, by the way. Coincidence?

On a less pointless note, I had to get my braces tightened again today. And this time, there are rubber bands holding the top and bottom braces together (which have to be changed every time I eat or brush my teeth, and also before I go to bed), so it probably won't pull a my wisdom teeth this time. :(