Sun, May. 30th, 2021

:(

Sun, May. 30th, 2021 03:29
matt1993: (autism)
Will the pandemic ever ACTUALLY end? Like, these days about 80% of the time it feels like things are improving enough that the pandemic will actually end, maybe even this year. But this is part of the other 20%. Because I STILL see people who think the pandemic will never actually end, which leads to me worrying that they could be right.

And will my PTSD over all the shaming that's happened ever end? I STILL am reminded a lot that so many awful people actually think that hugs and handshakes etc. SHOULD be forbidden forever and that people need to stop expecting anything to go back to normal. I'm still reminded a lot that people get angry at each other just for travelling AT ALL, even when complying with guidelines as best they can.

(Something I should have clarified a long time ago but I don't think I have yet: Many people have told me that it's more common that people get yelled at or scolded FOR wearing a mask, or FOR complying with other guidelines, etc. than the reverse. That's probably true. But the reverse does happen as well, and because of my social anxiety and my PTSD over the era when it seemed plausible that NOTHING would return to normal, the reverse is A LOT more terrifying to me personally. Does that make more sense?)


I need help. Now. I need someone to talk to who understands me. If you know of anything that can help me feel better, or any actual proof that the restrictions won't last forever, or anything that can help me feel like I'm NOT a bad person for having wanted things to not be cancelled or delayed so that I wouldn't end up having PTSD, etc., please let me know. Even if you feel like you'd be repeating yourself if you told me that things will get better or that I'm not a bad person.


I wish I didn't depend on validation from others so much just to not be depressed. :(

It's hard to describe this journal in just a few paragraphs... but I'll try

Just an autistic guy born in 1993 (hence the username) who's had this journal since I was 14. Has trouble phrasing things well especially in earlier entries, so keep that in mind.

My interests have fluctuated in the 17 years since I've had this journal, but the following has remained constant:
- I like Mario games (mainly the platformers, Mario Kart, Mario Party) and Super Smash Bros.
- I like Garfield
- I like Homestar Runner
- I like Enya
- And I've always loved the idea of wacky crossovers between ANY of my interests, whether it's in the form of a short-lived webcomic in 2006-2008, a short-lived backwards lyrics site in 2008, writing down weird dreams in 2009-2011, playing Tomodachi Life a lot in 2014-2016, or what most of my posts are about these days: playing around with Character.AI starting in 2023. I still can't believe I'm actually in a world where an AI of Enya can talk to AIs of Mario or Garfield or even my favorite obscure characters like Mary O. from Super Mario Maker. :O

Go to my sticky entry for more.

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